look what you made me do

About this short story: fake dating, m|m, overbearing parents, grumpy MC, Zoom call, fried chicken

“Honey, we just want to see you happy.”

Matt tried not to grimace as his parents peered at him with concern from his Macbook’s screen. He’d known that agreeing to Zoom call them once a week had been a mistake. This was week one, and already he was drowning in regret.

“I am happy,” he said, mustering the patience of a saint. “I have a great day job in the city, I get to audition for shows whenever I want, I have Bob—“

“Who’s Bob?” his father interrupted.

Matt blinked. “My dog, Dad. Rescue Bichon Frise. I adopted him three years ago. Ring any bells?”

His father visibly deflated. “Oh. I thought maybe you had a boyfriend you were hiding from us.”

Matt dropped his face into his hands. He knew he was lucky to have parents who accepted his gayness, but he really, really wished they would also accept his singleness. Trying to explain why he wasn’t dating anyone (because he was a generally grouchy person who wasn’t big on social interaction) was getting old fast.

“Hey, Matt, I was just gonna pick up some—oh, sorry!”

Matt lifted his desolate face from his palms to see his roommate Tim making a hasty retreat from the room.

“Wait, are you getting food?” Matt called desperately. Anything for a moment’s reprieve from his parents. Also, Tim frequently got fried chicken for dinner, and considering the conversation he was having, Matt needed a juicy thigh stat.

Tim stepped back into the room, casting the laptop screen an apologetic look. He’d never met Matt’s parents, but he was extremely polite. He was probably itching to introduce himself. “Yeah, I’m getting Chicken Honey. Do you want anything?”

“‘Honey’?” Matt heard his mother whisper, almost breathless with delight.

Before Matt could inform her that the place was, in fact, called Chicken Honey, a terrible idea entered his mind.

An idea so terrible that it was perfect.

Groaning dramatically, Matt gave Tim his best chiding look. “Babe, we said we weren’t going to tell my parents yet.”

Poor, innocent Tim’s brown eyes grew wide, and Matt watched with barely concealed amusement as a flush bloomed across his cheeks. Thick eyebrows knitting together, Tim asked, “What?”

Hitting the mute button might have been too much of a giveaway, so Matt hoped that Tim would get where he was going with this and be willing to play along.

He smiled overly wide. “You called me ‘honey’ by accident, silly. I was just telling my disappointed parents how single I am, but now you’ve let the cat out of the bag!”

“The cat,” Tim repeated, still frowning. Then, understanding washed over his features. “Oh! That cat. The one about us…dating.”

“Yes!” Matt exclaimed, reaching a hand for his roommate’s. God, he was pathetic, but his parents always drove him to do the most ridiculous things. “We’re dating.”

Tim automatically slid his hand into Matt’s. His hand was very large. And warm. “Yes. Dating. In love, even.”

“Very much in love,” Matt agreed.

“We…have sex,” Tim contributed.

“Too far,” Matt said quickly. Squeezing Tim’s hand, he turned to beam at his parents. “Sorry I hid my very happy relationship from you, Mom and Dad, but this is Tim, my boyfriend whom I love.”

His parents were too excited to be suspicious about a boyfriend who had been conjured out of nothing. His father leaned close to the screen. “So nice to meet you, Tim! You look tall.”

“I’m six-foot-five,” Tim said modestly.

“You’re six-foot-one at most,” Matt said.

Tim laughed and patted Matt’s cheek with his free hand. “Such a joker. Now, did you say you wanted chicken? Or did you want us to talk to your parents first?”

“I wouldn’t want the chicken place to close before you get there,” Matt improvised. Chicken Honey was open 24/7,  but his parents wouldn’t know that. “Could you get me three pieces? Spicy.”

“Sure.” Tim released Matt’s hand and gave Matt’s riveted parents a friendly wave goodbye. “Great to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Rosario, and I’m sorry I couldn’t stay to talk.”

“Oh, the pleasure is all ours. We’re so thrilled Matt’s seeing you!” Matt’s mother gushed.

“You don’t even know him,” Matt reminded her.

Clearly suppressing laughter, Tim turned to leave. Then, he whipped back around abruptly. “Oops, almost forgot!”

“Wha—” Matt’s question was cut off by Tim’s mouth. More specifically, his lips. Tim was kissing Matt, a brush of lips that inexplicably had the effect of an hour-long make-out session, because as Tim drew back, Matt stared at him gobsmacked and without breath in his lungs.

“Bye, honey,” Tim said. One of his eyes closed; Matt thought it might have been a wink. Had Tim always winked like that? It was disturbingly sexy.

“Bye,” Matt echoed, watching as Tim left the room.

When Matt’s father cleared his throat, Matt jumped and turned back to the screen. Face hot with embarrassment, he blurted, “Sorry! Sorry. Where were we?”

“We were talking about how you and Tim are in love,” his mother prompted.

“Oh. In love. Right.” Matt picked up the water bottle on his desk and took a long drink. “Yeah, so. Tim and I…”